Friday, June 06, 2008
♥; MOOD SWING
MOOD SWINGI had a bad dream this morning.It seem so real & it's freaking me.A man tried to kill me & as i defend myself, I actually stabbed him with a knife which he was holding.He survived & suddenly the setting turn out to be in the ward...I was a nurse there & guess what?The man who tried to kill me was under my care!OMG! Since morning i had a weird feeling... I'm not sure what it is but just a very uncomfortable feeling..as if something bad is happening...?I told Siao eh & she asked if I had troubles or undergoing huge stress.I couldn't think of any..until when we started talking bout the bonding issue.I'm in a mess.. dunno what is my aim, what I want to do after graduation & most importantly, I'm not sure if I want to be a nurse.There's just Fear... My parents & bro were urging me to get a bond. 2 years bond.I once set my mind on the thought of getting a bond but...suddenly I realised that a nurse has to be incredibly knowledgeable & know her stuff at the tip of her fingers like just *snap*!I'm not sure if I'm able to do that.Many a time I tried to imagine myself as a staff nurse in a ward & IF the senior staff nurses or other nurses were not there.. how am i going to cope all the patients.2 years is neither short nor long.It's the period which I have to go through..I just fear that I'm unable to cope in the ward.I've been considering the bond for like almost 1 1/2 year & yet, I'm still in a dilemma.My uncle spoke to me through the phone this evening bout this issue.Honestly, when my mum told me my uncle want to talk to me.... I didn't want to answer.I know he's being kind & just concerning bout me..but.. it's all stressing me out.Relatives calling home to ask why didn't I get a bond with the hospital blablabla..I know they are all concerns~ yet I feel that I want to isolate from them.Maybe I know u people might be thinking..It's just a bond, matter of either want / dun want..what's there to be troubled about? After the bond, come out u can do any other things u want to. It's not that easy as u think.U'r not in my situation & u'r not me so it's hard to understand.I don't understand why my tears kept verging out..just feel like pouring out. might be my hormonal changes period I guess.It's just emotions taking me over.I guess my primary appraisal was a (-)ve one which leads to my lack of coping ability therefore stress. Hell.. i rmb wad i presented to the class this morning..Went for a jog immediately after talking to my uncle even though i was very tired.I need some air & hormones to make me feel good.Indeed it helped a little.I think my attitude was not very good todayIt's just my homones .. sorry to disappoint u.. if i'm not wrong, u felt disappointed. Face to face communication is a prefered option for me.Today is the start of holiday.I've got lots of project to complete & better start reading up my diseases & drug books.I'm already a year 2 student & yet still so ignorant. *reality snap*Okok.I guess i felt a little better now.A very BIG HUG to pam & liwei for celebrating a belated birthday for me. The birthday song was real embarrassing us alright but THANKS! =DMOE! (inside joke)lol..A very BIG THANKYOU to all my friends who attended my "party" & wishes me happy birthday. It was great!A very BIG BIG BIG HUGS to Mr.bf for the awesome celebration which was indeed surprising everytime. My birthday party & all the happening photos i'll update soon I Promise. =XLabels: trusting as i promised...
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