It's raining heavily outside
every drop of the rain
seems so heavy

is it trying to show
joyous or saddness
it could be both?
excited to be free from the sky
to sense the ground
or
does it shows that somebody
up there is crying?

rainy days
ppl feel differently in different mood
after rain there would be shine
but will the rainbow appear?
the colourful piece of art produced by nature
i shall await...




i've not being talking much
day-dreaming;stoning;wondering into space;thinking;
has become part of my daily routine
i cant seems to concentrate well in lectures
i tried very hard to concentrate
the next moment i was in a daze
i don't even know what i'm thinking of

it's like blank?

school somehow just make me realise that
it seems like a place to say 'hi' & 'bye' ?
no proper in-depth conversation?
it's all very surface
i observe that people ard me are not happy
some used laughter to hide
blur-ness to hide
attention seeking to hide
silence to hide
is this becoming a norm?
i'm not sure

i do not know who to trust
sometimes after i said smth
it just made me ponder
did i say smth tt i shldn't say?

i want to be around with ppl
who are cheerful.chatterbox.filled with laughter
they could just allow me to feel happier?

i like to be alone sometimes
yet wishes tt someone was beside me sometime
i dun really like to stick to anyone like a glue
it's just too sticky?
i do not know bout the others but ya...

once i felt a stone weighing down in my heart
was it sense of guilt?
it was 'no-confidence' and 'uncertain'?
what i've said seems too heavy for me to carry
i'm afraid
i guess i'm too timid to step out?
i think i'm 'cold-hearted'?


i'm into chinese love novels once again
went to the library ytd
indulging in all the different stories
every writer is so capable to express their emotions
in words and words
i've this 'thing' for chinese
chinese words seems more expressive than english
more in-depth?
just a lyric from a music piece
it contains certain emotions
if you could see deeper...


phone calls?
no more long duration chit-chatting
it has became a norm since my sec days?
can we blame 'sms'?
everyone call your handphone no.
no longer phone calls from home phone
it has always been like this
isn't it?
now i'm afraid to chat for long on the phone
afraid of awkward periods.when there's nth much to say.

face to face conversation?
i still think it's better.
the sense of comfort & ability to see their expressions
at times i wonder..
grace what are u awaiting?
waiting for some vibration to sound in my pocket
a text of concern from a good friend
a text just for laugh
a text just to question
a text to have a meal
a text just to chill
a text to be invited to their home
a text to complain
a text to share


am i too demanding?


as i grow up
i can sense the loneliness of the adulthood
the lack of communications
the politics and disputes
-discrimminations
i dun wanna grow up so fast
the innocence when one is born seems to disappear
as we aquired more knowledges and
see how the world works
curosity allow us to see more than ever
both the beautiful and ugly side of human
and lifes...


was with pam & liwei on wed for a movie
certain secrets were revealed
shocking to me.
i'm rather open-minded and does not discriminates
but it just makes me wonder why things are happening this way

certain saddness shall be kept in the heart
sometimes it seems to be the best way out
though saying out assure more comfort...

i do not know what i want
how can i demand from others
when i do not even know what i really want
do not pin too much hope on me


friends are important people in life
once it's lost
there's nth u can do to amend
no matter how much u want to amend it
it won't be the same anymore
of cos it depends on how strong the bond is
in the end?
2 close friends might turn out to be 2 strangers
pathethic huh?
......................

sometimes i just do not know what to say
.....................
it's just emotions

Labels: desire;illusions